Disclaimer: Light cannibals references. No persons or characters, fictional or otherwise, were cooked, eaten or ingested during the writing of this article.
With Cooking Week just a twinkle in our eyes, Game Developer editors came together to ask how we can shine a light on some of the latest, greatest and most iconic cooking games that have graced our screens over the years.
Brainstorming is taxing, so after brainstorming I quickly went back to what I would be eating for dinner that night. Then it hit me. What if I could EAT video game characters? What would they taste like? How would I cook them? Will they go well with a good wine?
After conducting a series of morally dubious but scientifically sound thought experiments, I believe I have some answers. Grab your cutlery and join us on an eye-opening culinary journey that practically guaranteed us a Pulitzer.
Pac-Man
![2D rendering of a clever Pac-Man cheese wheel 2D rendering of a clever Pac-Man cheese wheel](https://eu-images.contentstack.com/v3/assets/blt740a130ae3c5d529/bltd9eaee01e7cde5d8/6660333154043f78195e081c/Pac_Man.png?width=700&auto=webp&quality=80&disable=upscale)
Image via Bandai Namco
Here’s a creature that screams, “Stick me in the oven for 20 minutes and pour fresh sourdough into my gooey, earthy center.” Don’t be fooled by the name. Pac-Man is not even remotely humanoid. We actually have Camembert for the thinking man. A clever cheese wheel infused with a flavor profile that can only be obtained from feasting on ghoul souls and various fruits. If you can coax him out of this maze, you’ll have a show-stopping centerpiece sure to get your dinner guests talking. Pairs with Pinot Noir.
Bulbs
![The bulb is advanced, the mouth is open The bulb is advanced, the mouth is open](https://eu-images.contentstack.com/v3/assets/blt740a130ae3c5d529/blt691e96699504670e/6660357f8e4b604cf3589f83/Bulborb.png?width=700&auto=webp&quality=80&disable=upscale)
Image via Nintendo
I just have to lick this thing. This may seem like a strange, potentially career-ending admission, but hear me out. During my extensive Bulborb research, I discovered that these alien oddities not only devour Pikmin and are nocturnal, they are also likely amphibious and unfathomably diverse. Like the humble frogs and toads that have made our world their home, I argue that bulbs must produce potent toxins capable of causing a transcendental high or an agonizing death. Just look at the size of their pupils. Are you telling me this creature hasn’t tried their own wares? Whatever you say, Narc.
Farfetch’d
![Delicious Duck Pokemon Farfetch'd Delicious Duck Pokemon Farfetch'd](https://eu-images.contentstack.com/v3/assets/blt740a130ae3c5d529/bltd9156c2c1c6d912d/666033de21398d38e5965e81/Farfetch_d.png?width=700&auto=webp&quality=80&disable=upscale)
Image via Pokemon.com
This guy is a walking, screaming two-on-one. Not only do you get a plump piece of bird, which we think would pair well with a generous drizzle of Kanto’s finest hoisin, but the lush likeness is guaranteed to be accompanied by a serving of greens. Bulbapedia isn’t sure if Farfetch’d is hauling leeks or leeks, but that doesn’t matter. The best chefs are adaptable and we are at the top of our game. Duck pancakes I choose you.
Saski
![Chuchu blue jelly Chuchu blue jelly](https://eu-images.contentstack.com/v3/assets/blt740a130ae3c5d529/blt740fdcfed5dea20b/66603b8204dff7400cc95daa/ChuChu_Header.png?width=700&auto=webp&quality=80&disable=upscale)
Image via Zelda Wiki (eientei95)
Ah, nature’s bouillon cubes. Perfect for incorporating into a stew or bolognese to really bring out the main flavours. The eye bulbs can be a little nasty, so you’ll probably want to remove them before serving. We know a dumb guy in a tunic who can do the job. What you’ll be left with are strong doses of pure, undiluted Hylian spice that will make you scream “Ha!” after the inevitable attainment of culinary nirvana.
Dizziness
![Screenshot from the game Treasure Island Dizzy Screenshot from the game Treasure Island Dizzy](https://eu-images.contentstack.com/v3/assets/blt740a130ae3c5d529/bltdd177c72434f8ca0/6660374c7d27ee44f75bd0b1/Dizzy_copy.png?width=700&auto=webp&quality=80&disable=upscale)
Image from Wikipedia (fair use)
He is an egg.
A giant enemy crab
![Historically accurate giant crab enemy Historically accurate giant crab enemy](https://eu-images.contentstack.com/v3/assets/blt740a130ae3c5d529/blt1b5d22dd2139cc94/6660396e62ca0d1119337183/Giant_Enemy_Crab.png?width=700&auto=webp&quality=80&disable=upscale)
Image via Noclip game history archive
From E3 2006 to my plate. The best thing about Giant Enemy Crab (based on the Japanese historical figure of the same name) was that it spawned a ton of memes and ensured that no one would ever, ever forget the underlying video game Genji: Days of the Blade. The second best thing about a giant enemy crab is how it tastes slathered in creamy mayo and stuffed into buttery bun rolls.
K*bert
![Qbert jumps through the levels Qbert jumps through the levels](https://eu-images.contentstack.com/v3/assets/blt740a130ae3c5d529/bltccc697e4cff1932c/66603cdcdea0b4a2db7426e7/Qbert_Header.png?width=700&auto=webp&quality=80&disable=upscale)
Image from Wikipedia (Screenshot taken by user:Spottedowl)
What is Q*bert? Isometric cube hopper trapped in the space void. Well, yes. But he could have been much more. Specifically, I believe Q*bert is a prime candidate for popcorn. I suspect that a bunch of Q*berts, pan-fried in a generous helping of the best quality oil, will turn into a crunchy, maybe slightly nutty snack, perfect for a cozy movie night on the sofa. Salty. Sweet. Maybe a mix of both? Treat yourself, naughty devil.
A slippery frog
![The slimy frog and friends The slimy frog and friends](https://eu-images.contentstack.com/v3/assets/blt740a130ae3c5d529/bltf8fa15dd01a1c0df/66603eac177e128ce543f343/Peppy.png?width=700&auto=webp&quality=80&disable=upscale)
Image via Nintendo
We know that frogs are considered a delicacy in some regions, but we think people need to cast their nets even further. Is there a good reason why no one thought of eating an intelligent space frog? Just look at that rounded piece. Now there’s someone rich in protein and presumably all kinds of fatty acids. Wait for his shields to go down and put him in the fryer. Cook until decadently crispy and serve with spicy mayo. The galaxy’s loss is our taste buds’ gain.
Cook
![Cook is celebrating Cook is celebrating](https://eu-images.contentstack.com/v3/assets/blt740a130ae3c5d529/blt78a1113fa0e94be6/666040d6dea0b443377426fb/Cucco_Header.png?width=700&auto=webp&quality=80&disable=upscale)
Image via Koei Tecmo Wiki / YouTube
The best thing about Cuccos is how obedient they are. Just take one and accompany it to the kitchen. No fuss, no fuss. After mocking one of Hyrule’s most common pieces of poultry, there will be no consequences. Absolutely none. huh? have you heard that –
C suite
![Businessman in suite Businessman in suite](https://eu-images.contentstack.com/v3/assets/blt740a130ae3c5d529/blt7e41c632c1a9b1ef/66604294b15f09c1f641af6c/CEO.png?width=700&auto=webp&quality=80&disable=upscale)
Image via Unsplash
These silly characters have spent decades feeding off the industry’s best and brightest minds. Swallowing and regurgitating their work to satisfy the needs of insatiable shareholders. Like the best foie gras on planet earth, growing such a bloated animal is often the result of reprehensible methods, but we hope the end result is worth enjoying. Eat plenty, baby.